DO NOT READ!

A survey actually worth taking the time to fill out.

If you're easily offended or under 18, go away.




I'm warning you.






Here goes:

1. How many people have you had sex with in 2007?
One. I'm in withdrawal.

2. Weed, coke, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, opium, hash....out of these 12 drugs how many have you done?
Two.

3. Ever cheated on a GF/BF?
No. That's about the lamest thing a human being can do to another person.

4. Ever paid for sex?
Do strips club count?

5. Ever been married?
Hell no thankfully.

6. Ever been divorced?
No.

7. If you had to pick one whats your favorite sexual position?
From behind.

8. Do you own any guns?
No but my mom said she does. And I'm still not sure if she's kidding. Very weird.

9. Craziest place you ever had sex?
Bathroom at a party at a stranger's house.

10. Ever been to rehab?
No way.

11. Ever have a 3 some?
I told you not to read this. Yes.

12. Ever have sex with anyone that you met on myspace?
No.

13. What size are your breasts/dick?
Haha. I didn't know this question was even in here. Ummmm... what's the average length these days? 'Cause I'm probably that. I'm a grower not a shower if you know what that means. haha.

14. Do you think MacGyver could beat up Chuck Norris?
Hell no. Unless he can create a sledgehammer out of gum.

15. What celebrity would you want to have sex with?
That girl from 40 Year Old Virgin - the bookstore clerk - "Beth". She's also Betty Brant (J.Jonah Jameson's secretary) in the Spider-Man movies. Rawr. I love that goofy laugh.

16. Ever been unemployed for over a year since becoming an adult?
Yup.

17. How many states have you lived in?
Two.

18. How many countries have you lived in?
One.

19. Do you keep a weapon under or next to your bed at night?
No.

20. What celebrity would you want to beat up if you had the chance?
Russell Crowe. Asshole.

21. Ever rolled into the harsh ghetto to buy drugs?
No. I was forced there by an accomplice. I was innocent I tell ya.

22. Do you enjoy sex with or without condoms?
What the hell? I don't want babies. Only without if it's a long-term relationship. And we're both checked out.

23. Ever been paid for sex?
No.

24. Would you do "Dave the Goofy Professor" from GoofyAuctions.com?
I have no idea what you're talking about.

25. Ever hired a PI to follow someone?
Does a friend count?

26. Ever f*cked a friends bf/gf?
After they broke up? Sure.

27. Do you prefer a partner with a tongue/nipple/private piercing?
I've only experienced two of those things, but I'm not really big on the whole piercing thing.

28. How many times a week do you masturbate?
Probably too many?

29. Fake tits or real tit???
Real! Unless I'm completely bamboozled. Otherwise I can always tell.

30. Ever watch someone die?
Holy hell is this survey messed up!! No way. I wigged out for weeks watching that one soldier in Saving Private Ryan slowly get stabbed in the chest. Ugh.

31. How long has it been since you had sex?
Over 4 months. Thanks for reminding me.

32. Name your favorite Beer?
I hate beer. If it doesn't have an umbrella or some kind of fruit in it, I don't want it.

33. Do you have a sexual fantasy?
Many.

34. Ever gone to jail for 10 days or longer?
Haha. No.

35. Anyone on myspace you want to f*ck?
Sure.